feel no more (feel no less)
by Someone aka Me
Summary: "She looks at her scars and she doesn't see a survivor. She sees all that she's lost. She looks at her face and she feels the scorching burn of Greyback's claws in her skin and the sinking feeling in her stomach when she first wondered if this was how she was going to die. She doesn't see a survivor." Post war hurt/comfort, parvatilavender


Happy birthday to Angel, who listed PavLav as one of the pairings she likes! Hope you enjoy, love!

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On the second day after the war is over, Lavender breaks the mirror in her bedroom with her fist.

The shards scatter all around her bedroom, coating the pale, white carpet, littering the top of her dresser and even sending shiny fragments as far as her tangerine bedcovers. It shatters with such a satisfying _crash_ that she walks into her bathroom and throws her fist into that mirror too before she even realizes she's bleeding.

She opens her fist and stares at the back of her right hand, watching the crimson stream down.

She wonders if it will scar.

She wonders if it matters. She's already covered in so many scars. Too many. Too many to be ever loved again.

For who could ever love a monster?

It's why she broke the first mirror. She can't stand the knotted, white ropes of skin that start at her temple and reach her neck. Her vision from her left eye is permanently impaired, but she still has enough sight to know how hideous she is.

She flexes her fingers and watches the blood drip into the bathroom sink.

She thought that when the war was over, things would be better.

Maybe things would go back to normal.

But instead she's scarred and broken.

…

The back of her hand winds up covered in angry red slashes.

She runs a finger over the raised skin and wonders if it's possible to hate her own body any more than she already does.

…

Her mother finds the shattered mirror in the bathroom and asks her if she's okay.

Lavender doesn't know how to explain, because her mother wasn't there.

Her mother says her scars are a mark of all that she's survived, an honour.

Lavender doesn't care.

She looks at her scars and she doesn't see a survivor. She sees all that she's lost. She looks at her face and she feels the scorching burn of Greyback's claws in her skin and the sinking feeling in her stomach when she first wondered if this was how she was going to die.

She doesn't see a survivor.

...

It's three days later when there's a knock on her bedroom door.

She ignores it in favour of continuing to leaf through her favorite magazine, but the knock comes again.

"Go away, Mother," she calls.

"I'm not your mum," comes the soft reply. It takes her a moment to consider who it could be.

"Parvati?"

"Can I come in, Lav?"

Lavender considers this. She misses Parvati. Parvati is her best friend, and Lavender thinks they might even be on the verge of something more. There have been a lot of almosts. Almost kisses. Almost dates. Almost confessions.

But then she remembers.

Her face is ruined.

Even if Parvati may have loved her once, there is no way Parvati could love her now.

"Go away," she says.

There is a resonant silence, and then, "Lavender? Are you okay?"

She should've known it wasn't going to be that simple.

"I'm fine. I just want to be alone."

"Are you sure?"

And Lavender hesitates because she doesn't want to be alone.

But she also doesn't want to see the look on Parvati's face when she sees. She hasn't had a shot to see if she can cover it up yet.

And Parvati knows her well enough to understand what the hesitation means.

"You'll regret it," Lavender says, just as Parvati starts talking.

"I'm coming in," she says. "Unless you protest, right now, genuinely, because you actually don't want me to."

And then Parvati is there, at Lavender's side, not even flinching for a second, just sitting beside her on the bed, pulling the pale blue magazine out of Lavender's hands and setting it on the bedside table.

Parvati laces her fingers through Lavender's and she smiles, softly and gently and something inside of Lavender uncoils.

"Hi," Parvati says quietly.

"Hi," Lavender says back.

"I know it sucks," Parvati says. "But I'm here. No matter where you are, I'm always with you. And I would fight with every bone in my body if it meant I could protect you from this — I would send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love, if that's what it took — but I know that's not how this works. So I'm here. And if there's something I can do, I'll do it."

Lavender looks down at where Parvati's left hand is intertwined with her right — the one that's covered in red scratches. The contrast between Parvati's golden skin and her own paleness is stark.

Parvati deserves better.

"I'm sorry," Lavender says. Parvati is shaking her head. She reaches out a hand, tangles her fingers in Lavender's hair.

"You have nothing to apologize for. And maybe… god, maybe this isn't the time for it, but maybe it's the best time. I think you know. But we've never… We've never talked about it and maybe I'm wrong but we both almost died and I'm done pretending, so look." Parvati sighs, and then looks her straight in the eyes. "I love you."

And what the hell is Lavender supposed to say to that except the truth?

"I love you, too."

Parvati beams.

"Then we can do this. Together."

Lavender feels a smile tug at her face, feels it go lopsided because of her scars.

It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make her scars go away, and it doesn't mean she's not a monster.

But maybe she's not unloveable.

And maybe she's not alone.

* * *

Daily Prompt: Hurt/Comfort

Writing Month: 916 words

Seasonal: Days of the Year: International Peace Day: Write about the aftermath of a war / Colour Prompts: tangerinem / Birthstones: Turquoise - (dialogue) "I would fight with every bone in my body if it meant I could protect you." / Flowers: Cosmos - (title) Feel No More (Feel No Less) / Element: (word) Scorch / Shay's Musical Challenge: Hello, Dolly! alt, write about finding love / Gryffindor Themed Prompts: Parvati, Lavender

Character Appreciation: 22. (Era) trio / Disney Challenge: T4: Inner Beauty - Write about someone who is beautiful on the inside. Alt, write about someone who wishes they were prettier. / Shannon's Showcase: 17. (Relationship) Best friends / Showtime: 41. It's Quiet Uptown - (action) holding hands / Count Your Buttons: W4: shot. / Lyric Alley: 12. Look into your eyes And the sky's the limit / Ami's Audio Admirations: 8. He's got a Monster D*ck — Use the prompt set: (plot point) someone making a change to their body, (colour) pale blue, (word) monster / Sophie's Shelf: vault 15: Prompt: Write about two people from radically different backgrounds getting together. / Angel's Arcade: Kairi:(trait) caring; (dialogue) "No matter where you are, I'm always with you."; (trope) friends to lovers / Lo's Lowdown:C2: Courfeyrac: write about best friends.

Funfair: North: Ghost Train: Compartment 18 alt. Genre: Angst; South: bumper cars: "You'll regret it." East: Circus: Fire Eating/Breathing: [Dialogue] "I love you."; [Word] Honour; [Colour] White; [Action] Playing with hair

Hamilton Mania: Act 2, 15. Defending someone - (character) Lavender Brown; optional: (dialogue) "I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love."

Canada Day: 9. shiny

Insane House: plot point: an almost kiss


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